Substitute for Love
by NikaDawson
Summary: It was James Potter's engagement party and Sirius Black wasn't there. And only one person knew exactly where he could be. Slash


**Author's Note:** Well I just got my internet back and decided to post a little one shot that I wrote. This is probably the most odd piece I've ever written, and really off the norm of what I usually write. It's slash, which is usual, but the pairing in it is completely unexpected and, well, just slightly weird to me cause it's not one I'd usually write or had even thought about before, though there is an unrequited mention of my favorite pairing which is what sort of hold this fic together in an odd way. I don't actually know how it popped into my head. Well, if you do read I hope you like it and please review.

**Substitute for Love: **

For a long time there had been a well known and mistaken belief of most of the Hogwarts uppers years and various professors. That belief had been that every single marauder was gay. Certainly, they would whisper, four boys would never be as close as they all were without some link to sex. Boys just didn't have friendships like that.

Never mind the long standing crush that James Potter had on Lily Evans, certainly never a hidden or well kept secret. Nor the fact that Sirius Black had a new girlfriend every week, that he flaunted his promiscuity with female witches, though he always treated them fairly. Nor even Remus' quiet success with the female population, rare though it was, was taken into account. All a cover, it was rumored. Secretly they were all in each other's beds at night.

Peter was not forgotten, though he was often overshadowed by the other three. He had never had a girlfriend, nor an obvious crush on a witch. He was talked about as the most open of all the marauders about his 'sexuality', though he, like the others, had never told anyone that he was gay. It was all presumed on what the student body liked to call the marauders 'covers', and that he had none.

Ironically, the students were only half right. Remus had no attraction to men at all, he had a very healthy regard for women despite his slight fear of the opposite sex. James, as far as the other marauders knew, was straight as well and his feelings for Lily were deep and genuine. Though, he had once remarked about a dream of an unknown man he once had. Well, unknown to the rest of the marauders. The only marauder who the student body had properly figured out was Peter, who had known he was gay for years. The marauders all knew, and they had even helped Peter to come out to the rest of his family. And Sirius, he wasn't gay. Sexually he lusted after women, but he was also deeply and unconditionally in love with James.

Sirius had known and accepted that for years, and consequently so had Peter. No one else knew, not Remus, and especially not James. Peter had wondered for years why Sirius had chosen to confide in him that secret, but he had. And so, Peter was the only who knew why Sirius was absent from the sudden engagement party the Evan's had thrown for the recent announcement from James and Lily that they were getting married.

"Peter, do you know where Padfoot is," an upset looking James asked him. His face was worried as he glanced around the room, hoping for a small glimpse of his best friend. His hair was a mess, different from the beginning of the party where Lily had actually managed to successfully tame the black locks in something neat.

"I've looked everywhere, tried owling him, fire calling. What if he's been captured by death eaters?" James' eyes were wide with panic, nervousness in his voice. Out of the corner of Peter's eyes, he could see Lily scowling at her fiancée as she tried to entertain some of the guests.

"Calm down," Peter said, placing his hand on the soft skin of James' arm. For a second he wonder just how James could be so oblivious to Sirius' feelings, to everything.

"I'm sure he's fine James," Peter tried to comfort him, seeing James looked prepared to flee the party and hunt him down, and wouldn't Lily be happy if that happen, "I'll go look for him."

James opened his mouth and Peter knew he was going to attempt to go with him. Peter searched for any excuse he could to belay that idea. James was perhaps the last person Sirius wanted to see right now.

"I'll be back with him as soon as I can, I promise," Peter hurriedly said, "Lily's waiting for you. She doesn't look to happy."

Peter pointed over to where the red head was glaring at them, still surrounded by guests. James gulped as he finally looked at her.

"Are you sure," James asked, still not sure about sending out Peter to look. The worry over what could be happening to his friend was overriding his other emotions at the moment.

"I'm sure."

After a few more attempts by James to go with him, Peter finally left the hall and set out to where he was sure Sirius was going to be. It was a muggle bar that he frequented, filled with tattooed muggle bikers and women with short leather skirts. Peter felt distinctly out of place as he walked in, his short stature and slightly chubby form daunted by the heavy built, tough looking men in the room.

Sirius was seated at the bar, drunk out of his mind and surrounded by pretty brunette girls with to much makeup. As he advanced closer, Peter could distinctly make out the hazel eyes that each one of the three had. He could hear Sirius loudly positioning one, and muttering curses about a woman who he was calling, 'that redheaded bitch from hell.' No doubt the girls thought he was talking about an old girlfriend, not a women who was going to become his best friends' wife.

Sirius looked at home in the bar, with his long black hair and the pierced ear which hung a dragon fang from it. His jacket was made of brown dragon hide and so were his boots, which the muggles were probably taking for leather, and he had a joint in his hands, along with several empty shot glasses in front of him.

"Sirius," Peter hissed, wading his way through the crowd of unwashed bickers and heavily perfumed women. He was careful not to bump anyone of them, fearful of getting knocked on his arse by a pissed muggle.

"Sirius," he hissed again, grabbing on to the sleeve of his jacket, interrupting the other wizard mid-rant. One of the clingy brunettes around Sirius pouted at him when he stopped talking.

"Huh…" Sirius swirled his head to look at him, eyes blinking before recognition filled them and a slight smile crossed his face, "Peter, Petey. Wormy, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you," Peter said, pulling on the sleeve on the jacket to pull Sirius off the stool he was sitting on. Sirius stumbled a bit and scowled at him.

"Off me," he insisted, bating Peter's hand away, "I'm staying here." Peter eyed the empty shot glasses on the bar behind where Sirius had been sitting. It was amazing he was still speaking coherently with all the alcohol in him.

"Come on Sirius, this isn't healthy," Peter insisted pulling at his friends. The muggle women that had been with Sirius were apparently to stoned to noticed that their current amour was being led out of the bar. Well, more like hauled, since Peter was pushing him out the door. Sirius being drunk, wasn't very successful in stopping Peter's attempt, though he was taller and stronger than his friend.

"Peter stop. Where are you taking me," Sirius said when they were finally out of the bar, managing to sliver his way out of Peter's grasp. He glared at him angrily.

"To get you sobered up. James is very worried about you," Peter told him. Sirius laughed bitterly, dropping the join the was holding on to the ground and stomping on it viciously with his boot.

"Worried. Yeah right. He's so worried about me that he's busy, fucking his little red haired tart and expecting me to be happy for him. Like I can just accept the fact that he's throwing away his life to be with some bitch who is so far beneath him. She doesn't deserve him," Sirius spat out, waving his arms drunkenly to emphasize a point.

"And than, it's just that fact that he's so fucking blind. And that everything has to revolve around him, like I should just put everything aside to go to some stupid, meaningless party because he wants me there. Well fuck him. I don't need him," Sirius continued to saying, spewing out all his anger at James. Peter was alarmed when his face seemed to crumble, and the anger was suddenly drained from it.

"Why doesn't he love me," Sirius whispered brokenly, collapsing on the ground.

Peter stood awkwardly. He didn't know what to do. He never been in front of an upset person like know, didn't know how to comfort anyone. Especially not Sirius. Sirius, who could hide and cover up his emotions better than anyone he'd ever known. Who was now sobbing in an empty muggle alley, high on pot and whisky. Peter had the sudden unexpected thought that if this was how drugs and drinking made someone act, he was glad he'd never done it.

Peter hesitatingly sat down on the curb next to his friend, reaching out slowly to pat his shoulder. He flinched when Sirius suddenly turned his head and buried his face in Peter's shoulder.

"How can he do this Pete?"

Peter shook his head, "I don't know." He wanted to tell Sirius that James was doing it because he loved Lily, but didn't.

It came as a shock to him when warm lips were suddenly pressed to his own. He stiffened, as the taste of whiskey filled his mouth and when Sirius' hand desperately grabbed on to his shoulders.

Pulling away he gasped out, "Sirius, what are you doing?"

"Shh," Sirius whisper, a half crazed look in his eyes, "Just help me forget."

And so Peter did. He helped Sirius forget. Didn't care they were in some muggle alley, didn't care when Sirius roughly shed his clothes, and then his own. Didn't care when Sirius cried as he blankly shagged him into a wall, or when he choked out _James_ in his release. Didn't care when Sirius looked at him knowingly when he uttered a name.

He walked back to his flat later that night, after going back to the party and telling a still visibly worried James that Sirius was sleeping off a sickness and was at home. Reassured James that he didn't need to go to Sirius' flat and see if he need to be taken care of. Hugged Lily and congratulated her.

Sirius wasn't going to remember what had happened. Wasn't going to know, that despite everything Peter was in love. That they had used each other for a substitute for the oblivious idiot they were both in love with. Wasn't going to cry at the fact that he knew, if push had ever come to shove, Sirius would have had a chance.

And when the letter arrived later that night, addressed to him and signed in the spidery writing of a man that called himself the dark lord, he didn't look back.


End file.
